After so many years I have realized (or remembered) my voice in my writing, my name etched into every word I pen or type, something that has been lost from me for a long time now as I swam deeper into the "consumer, conventional writing frame of mind."
Looking over some poems and short stories I did years ago when cutting myself was the norm and when depression loomed like a dark could over my head, I realized I had lost everything that made my writing back then spark, with life, with truth. The emotions may have been "dark and depressing" but they were what I was feeling, they were my truth even if it were the majority of what I wrote.
The short stories, the dreams I penned, they all rang clear with Vampires. [Sly grin to self.] The one I am most proud of is titled "The Strange" and its sequel, "The Unknown." My Gods, those are fantastic, I can't stop reading them over. Another favorite short story I wrote was titled "The Butler." Simple but effective, I think.
I look at my novel now, complete in all it's commercial glory and I wonder why it shifted when writing. Indeed, it was dark and gory when I first sat down to write it, but along the way, I thought no one would care to read it, it wouldn't be picked up by a publisher...etc. And reading other blogs and whatnot, I see that I was right. There is nothing on the web about the "niche" I have. My writing is intense, deep, lovely, sinister, dripping with blood and desire, craving, lust. My Gods I cannot believe I gave in to commercialism!
I shall continue to write my current Vampire Series and seek representation, but I vow that all books from then on shall be true to my nature:
Dark, beautiful, bloody, soul-baring, and completely me.